Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

January 25, 2022, 09:43:37 AM

Hey guys, I am not sure if this is allowed on here (mods delete if it isn't) but I wanted to share my story and what we are doing. Even if I just raise awareness or anyone here wants to help a good cause, we would be so so grateful for any support.

Hopefully this is the right section for this, I thought this thread was worth a try. After the worst couple of years of our lives me and my wife wanted to give something back to the charity that helped us so much. To do this us alongside my brother in law are doing a sponsored skydive for EPT. Please read our story below, written by my amazing wife:

I am raising money for the ectopic pregnancy Trust. This is the only charity in the UK that is solely dedicated to helping women who have suffered through an ectopic pregnancy and their families. Ectopic pregnancies can be fatal, making the work that this charity does really important.

So, along with my husband and my brother, I'm going to throw myself out of a plane to raise money for this amazing charity. I also want to raise awareness for those who have struggled with problems like ectopic pregnancies, miscarriage and infertility. So, to do that, I'm going to share my story.

My name is Amber, I'm 30, I'm married to an amazing man, and we tried for years to have a baby.

I've known my whole life that I wanted children one day. No one tells you that it may not be that straight forward. My husband and I started trying for a baby when we both agreed we were ready. A year later, after buying my 6th box of ovulation sticks and having spent the year on supplements, eating right and avoiding alcohol, all the things they tell you to do when you're trying, we'd still had no luck.

So we decided to have fertility tests done just to make sure everything was OK. I'll never forget going in for my tests and the nurse saying to me "you're so young I'm sure everything is fine, you just need to chill out". I was 29 at the time, as was my husband. So even medical professionals were happy to assume all was fine. I will also never forget the call to give us our test results. And the doctor telling us that to have children we would need to try IVF.

Fast forward a few months, a few emotional break downs and a change in fertility clinic later, we were ready to start our first of 3 pre paid cycles of IVF. We went into our first round with hope. But it was terrifying, especially during the covid pandemic when I had to go in to all appointments alone, and Jordan had to stay in the car. It really does put your body and emotions through hell. You feel like a lab experiment gone wrong, having to inject yourself daily, dealing with hormone changes, being poked and prodded and having invasive scans every few days, followed by a surgery that leaves you feeling sore and exhausted. We managed to get 2 embryos that fertilised and survived to make a day 5 blastocyst on our first cycle. So these were both transferred into my uterus and after an anxious 2 week wait, we took the pregnancy test. The look on my poor husbands face when the test was negative is something that I'll carry with me forever. He has always had the gift of optimism and hoped we had cracked it first time. For me, it was devastating and the thought of going through it all again made me feel sick, but watching him suffer was the worst thing that day.

We took the obligatory month off and got straight back on the horse. I started the second cycle, this included more injections due to my low AMH levels and poor egg quality. It also included more scans. This cycle felt awful. I had to take time off work and I struggled and was sick through the entire thing. To really kick us while we were down, despite the extra drugs, the results got worse, with fewer eggs collected at surgery. We were lucky enough to have 1 embryo fertilise. The process of waiting every day after fertilisation for the phone call to tell you if your fertilised embryo made it through another night is exhaustingly anxiety inducing. But the embryo survived to be transferred.

So we started the 2 week wait once again. This time I was more hopeful, because I felt pregnant. I had the symptoms and I had a good feeling. But I was wrong. Once again, test day came, and the crushing blow of a negative result hit us both so hard. The constant feeling of failure is indescribable. When your body let's you down and can't do something it is biologically programmed to do. When everything feels hopeless. It's a feeling I cannot put into words. And suddenly, it felt like everyone around us was pregnant, or planning to have children, or asking us when we were having children. When you're going through infertility, it really seeps into every part of your life. Happy occasions become sad ones. Friends don't know what to say to you. You start avoiding social situations. And it's really tough.

We decided to take a few months off before going into our last cycle. We spoke to senior embryologists and consultants to make a plan and started again for our last shot. This time with even higher drug doses and more medications. This was the worst round. I was quite sick through the entire cycle again. And the pressure for it to work was high. Infertility feels so relentlessly cruel and unfair sometimes, and it felt like we were really being tested.

Again, just one embryo made it through and was transferred back into my uterus for the start of the third 2 week wait. This felt like the longest 2 weeks of our lives. Test day came. I started preparing myself for a negative result. But to our amazement, the pregnancy test was positive. In disbelief I took 2 more tests, both positive.

Well, we were over the moon. The feeling was indescribable. We got our miracle! The torture had been totally worth it.
That day, we went round and told our parents. They were all so happy they cried. It was honestly the happiest day of my life, being able to share this amazing news with our family. After the most difficult year, we finally got our happy ending. And we could finally give our families the news they wanted. Our parents were so excited to be grandparents.

I wish I could tell you that this is where our story ends. You have no idea how much I wish that the happy ending stayed that way.

I started bleeding and had cramps and back pain. In a panic, I phoned the fertility clinic who told me to relax as It may be completely normal, but advised rest and retake a pregnancy test in 48 hours in case of early miscarriage. The test was still positive which was reassuring. But the bleeding and cramps continued over the next week. Each time I phoned the clinic I was told to relax, rest and that everything could be normal. I just needed to wait until my 8 week viability scan. So I rested, I worried, I continued to tentatively picture our future with our miracle baby, how we'd decorate the nursery, changes we'd make to baby proof the house.

7 days later the pain got worse and I had more bleeding. After failed attempts to reach the clinic I phoned the emergency pregnancy unit, who saw me the following morning for an early scan. My panic grew stronger.

My husband was allowed in with me for the scan, he held my hand as they inserted the probe. And we waited as they searched my uterus. Then came the dreaded words "I can't see anything in your uterus" we were told to prepare ourselves as it looked like an early miscarriage. They took my blood to check the pregnancy hormone levels and told me to come back to hospital in 48 hours for a further blood test. If the pregnancy hormones were decreasing, then the miscarriage would be confirmed. I remember feeling completely numb. We had our miracle for just a minute. How was that possible? After everything, why couldn't we have this? Life just seemed so determined to break us.

So 2 days later I had the repeat bloods. The following day I expected to be told the hormones had decreased and we would start to mourn our loss. But they had increased significantly. The nurse said this was hopeful. So another scan was booked for 4 days time. An agonising 4 day wait commenced. But once again they couldn't see any baby on the scan. I became a mystery. I had to have more bloods and wasn't allowed home. I still had pain so they carried out invasive pelvic exams and admitted me for observation. At this point they started to wonder if I was having an ectopic pregnancy. They just couldn't find one. The following day I was allowed home as I had been stable. But I had to go back for even more blood tests.

This went on for days. We practically lived at the hospital. My appointments were in the same place that the healthy pregnant women also go, so we were surrounded by people who had everything that we had been fighting for, while we struggled not to fall apart. My poor husband was back and forth, some times having to leave me there and go home alone. We both just wanted it to be over. I was in pain. We couldn't grieve, we were just completely stuck in limbo. My blood results showed further increases in the pregnancy hormone, so the doctors concerns grew. My symptoms also got worse. I was booked in for yet another scan. The night before the scan I started vomiting. The back pain got worse. The abdominal cramps felt awful. I knew something was wrong.

The next day at the scan, they had a thorough and uncomfortable search. And suddenly the pain was crippling. And on the screen, there sat a mass in my left fallopian tube. They found the ectopic pregnancy. I was admitted to hospital within the hour and had surgery to remove my left fallopian tube and my pregnancy along with it.

It was after this that I found the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. They gave me a forum where I could speak to other women in my situation. And it really helped. They offered support, resources and comfort that nowhere else could give. 1 in 80 pregnancies are ectopic. And other women need that support.

Now we grieve for our baby. We wonder if they would have been a boy or girl, if they would have had my hair and Jordan's eyes. I fight back tears every time I see a family in the street with a pushchair, a pregnant belly, or a new born baby.

This story ends the same way it started. A married couple who can't have a child. I wish this was a story with a hopeful ending. But the reality is, we've been to hell over the last year. I'm not sure that we are back yet. I'm not sure when we will be. To anyone who has experienced loss, infertility, miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, I want you to know that you are not alone in how you feel. I know it feels like the loneliest place to be. And you are a warrior, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I share my experience to raise awareness of ectopic pregnancy, to make people think twice before asking a couple when they're having children, to let grieving couples know they are not alone and increase the awareness of a subject most people understandably avoid. I share my story to try and let even a small amount of good come from an awful lot of pain.

I would be eternally grateful if anyone can spare anything for the ectopic pregnancy Trust. The information and resources they can give could save a life one day. And that life could be someone you know. The emotional support they can give can also provide comfort to someone going through an awful trauma. It's a fantastic cause. All you need to do is follow the link to my just giving page and give anything you can no matter how small.

www.justgiving.com/Amber-Coulson-Fundraising

If you have read until the end. Thank you so much for your time.
Thank you so much to everyone who has donated so far. It means the world.

Thanks for reading this far, any comments and support/donations would be thoroughly appreciated. Have a pic of us in out EPT gear. Left to right: Sam (Brother in law), my amazing wife Amber and Me.

Re: Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

Reply #1 – January 28, 2022, 06:49:59 AM

Amber and Jordan my heart goes out to you both x

Re: Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

Reply #2 – January 28, 2022, 09:05:53 AM

Quote from: vw-widow on January 28, 2022, 06:49:59 AM

Amber and Jordan my heart goes out to you both x

Thanks, it has been a horrible couple of years but we will eventually find a way forward.
The cars have been a good distraction at times too!

Re: Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

Reply #3 – January 28, 2022, 10:16:17 PM

Sorry to read your story and thank you for sharing it. It's as important to raise awareness as it is money for these fantastic charities who support us when we need it most. It's not easy to write or share your experiences and thank you for doing so.

I hope you both find a way forward to live happy lives given the experiences you have had to face. I'm glad you have the cars as a hobby to distract you. All the best, Matt.

Re: Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

Reply #4 – February 09, 2022, 02:41:13 PM

Quote from: MJA on January 28, 2022, 10:16:17 PM

Sorry to read your story and thank you for sharing it. It's as important to raise awareness as it is money for these fantastic charities who support us when we need it most. It's not easy to write or share your experiences and thank you for doing so.

I hope you both find a way forward to live happy lives given the experiences you have had to face. I'm glad you have the cars as a hobby to distract you. All the best, Matt.

Thanks Matt, it has been humbling to see the support we have received after sharing our story.
Raising the awareness too I hope, as I could genuinely help safe the life of any woman carrying a baby to notice the signs things could be going wrong.

I've not been able to spend long period on the cars but 30 mins here and there when I needed to clear my head have really helped and my to-do list is surprising short now!

Cheers,

Jordan

Re: Raising money and awareness for Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.

Reply #5 – February 09, 2022, 02:41:49 PM

Quick update:

Thank you to everyone who has donated so far, it is really appreciated, we are just over 3/4 way to our £2000 target.
Not only that we were in the top 5% of all fundraising pages on Just Giving for January!
Sponsors are slowing down now so a cheeky bump to see if we can get it to our target.

Donate here: http://www.justgiving.com/Amber-Coulson-Fundraising

Many thanks,

Jordan